


Operation: Get Bruce the Damn Cat

by Blizzard_Fire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Bruce Banner, Avengers group chat, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce Banner-centric, Bruce Has Issues, Bruce is secretly a cat person, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt Bruce Banner, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers (2012), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, chatfic, everyone wants Bruce to be happy, friendships, he deserves some happy, there's a cat, this was fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 03:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19040464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard_Fire/pseuds/Blizzard_Fire
Summary: Nat:Do you like cats, Bruce?Bruce:They're okay, I guess.Clint:you were pretty vocal about it yesterdayTony:Vocal? I pulled the damn thing off you and you cried because you didn't want me to leave it in the alley. Like, openly wept. It was kinda scary, actuallyBruce:...Bruce:Thank you for sharing that with everyone.Clint:im just saying...Clint:m a y b e we should get that cat........In which Bruce falls in love with a stray cat, Clint secretly organises a rescue mission, and Tony is the weary parent who hates pets of any kind. Avengers chatfic!





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something I wrote over the last couple of days. This was inspired by a quest in Lego Marvel Superheroes PS4, where I always play as little Bruce and he had to go find someone's cat - which proceeded to follow him happily as he Hulked out and went on a destructive rampage.

_Tony Stark messaged SHWARMA BUDZZ_  

TUES 03/27, 04:11PM

 **Tony** : Anyone seen Bruce?

 **Steve** : Nothing.  I'm following the trail of debris but there's no sign of him.  Is everyone else O.K.?

 **Clint** : ye

 **Thor** : Twas a glorious battle!!

 **Tony** : Nat?

 **Tony** : Hello?

 **Clint** : she went to look for bruce...

 **Tony** : Doing another area sweep. They can't have gotten far

 **Thor** : I am searching also!!

 **Steve** : I followed Hulk's path.  Dead end.  He must have turned back.

 **Clint** : or got bored of smashing. if that's even possible

 **Clint** : shit, I don't like this. He's been gone for hours

 **Nat** : I've found him

_Nat sent a location tag_

**Steve** : I'm close.  ETA 3 mins.

 **Nat** : No rush

 **Clint** : how is he?

 **Nat** : Still Hulk but you won't believe the rest

 **Clint** : ???

 **Tony** : Is he hostile? Do you need us to give you space?

_Nat sent a video_

**Clint** : wtffff

 **Clint** : no way

 **Tony** : I'm currently 3 miles up in the air. I'm not watching a video

 **Steve** : It's not loading for me.

 **Clint** : ...is that a cat?

 **Nat** : Yeah

 **Nat** : They're just... playing together. This was how I found them

 **Clint** : hulk looks so happy wtf

 **Clint** : he could eat that thing whole

 **Clint** : instead he's cuddling it??

 **Clint** : "kitty" aww

 **Steve** : I'm here.  This is incredible.

 **Clint** : i wanna seee

 **Clint** : oop, actually nvm. civvies need help. see ya back at base

 **Steve** : He's changing back now.  Who knew Hulk had a softer side?

 **Tony** : Get him home. Prise the cat off him first though

 **Nat** : Easier said than done. See you soon <3 

 

WED 03/28, 03:12AM

 **Bruce** : Did I fall asleep on the way back?

 **Bruce** : Shit. What did I miss?

 **Clint** : DUDE SCROLL UP

 **Bruce** : What the hell... was this today?

 **Clint** : ye

 **Nat** : It looks like Hulk gave up destroying things when he saw the cat. It calmed him down enough to change back

 **Bruce** : Interesting... I've never known him to be gentle with anything.

 **Bruce** : Maybe this has practical applications! I need to run some tests. Maybe I can replicate whatever brain patterns caused him to settle down.

 **Nat** : At 3am? Get some rest, Bruce

 **Bruce** : What are you guys doing up?

 **Clint** : brooding

 **Clint** : jk

 **Clint** : dwayne johnson marathon

 **Bruce** : Why?

 **Clint** : beCUZ

 **Clint:** you in?

 **Nat:** We've got popcorn

 **Bruce** : I guess it might help me go back to sleep…

 **Nat** : Baywatch is on

 **Bruce** : …

 **Bruce** : On my way.

 

WED 03/28, 09:18AM

_Tony sent a photo to SHWARMA BUDZZ_

**Tony:** Look who fell asleep during a movie marathon

 **Steve:** Classy. Looks cosy.

 **Tony:** Looks like they held Brucie hostage, he's all snuggled up in the middle.

 **Tony:** We've got Jumanjii, Tooth Fairy, San Andreas, Baywatch...

 **Tony:** Zero taste

 **Thor:** Who is this Dwayne Johnson?

 **Steve:** I'm glad I wasn't the first to ask.

FRI 03/30, 02:02PM

 **Thor:** My friends, there is something strange happening outside.

 **Clint:** FIRE

 **Clint:** FIRE IS HAPPENING

 **Steve:** I heard the explosion.  I'm coming.

 **Tony:** Suit up, everyone!

 **Bruce:** I'm in the lab.

 **Tony:** So? Get out of the lab!

 **Bruce:** It's a time-sensitive experiment. Are you positive you need the other guy right now?

 **Nat:** Bruce, you're watching cat videos

 **Bruce:** I'm not.

 **Nat:** I'm outside your door right now

 **Tony:** B R U C E

 **Bruce:** It's for scientific reasons!

 **Tony:** Get your big green ass out here right now

 **Bruce:** Okay okay fine.

 

04:33PM

 **Bruce:** i s anyone online

 **Thor:** Bruce!! Where are you?

 **Bruce:** not sure

 **Bruce:** head hurts

 **Tony:** You're not using capital letters and that scares me

 **Bruce:** i Tried to stand up and ghit my head

 **Bruce:** My hpone was in my pocket somehow

 **Tony:** Any landmarks nearby? What do you see?

 **Bruce:** tres

 **Bruce:** trees

 **Tony:** Thor, start searching Central Park. You're nearer than me

 **Thor:** I'm on my way!!

 **Bruce:** Not a park

 **Bruce:** houses

 **Bruce:** there's a cat. i htink its the one from before

 **Steve:** You need to tag your location so we can find you, Bruce.

 **Bruce:** I tried. tal buildings blocking signal

 **Steve:** Take a photograph.  Maybe we can work out where you are.

_Bruce sent a photo_

**Steve:** I meant of your surroundings, not the cat.

 **Bruce:** he's so cute. i think he loves me

 **Clint:** lol why is Bruce loopy?

 **Clint:** DUDE THAT'S THE EXACT SAME CAT AS LAST TIME

 **Tony:** That's a cat? Looks more like a giant rat. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen

 **Tony:** Okay JARVIS worked out your location from the buildings in the background. Sit tight

 **Bruce:** Maybe it onnly works with this specific cat

 **Bruce:** He's so nice

 **Bruce:** He isn't scared of me at all

 **Tony:** Stop spamming up the chat. I'm trying to plan my route to you

 **Bruce:** Do yoy know how RARE that is for someone to not be scaredof me at all?

 **Nat:** Area's clear. Just finished off the last of them. Is everyone ok?

 **Nat:** Oh Bruce

 **Clint:** I like this version of Bruce. Dude we need to get you drunk sometime

 **Thor:** Yes!! We shall celebrate our victory!!

 **Bruce:** shit

 **Bruce:** prOBLEM

 **Bruce:** Tony ined help im bleeding

 **Steve:** Tony, put up his location tag.  Where is he?

 **Tony:** False alarm, he's fine.

 **Bruce:** NOT

 **Steve:** What happened?

 **Tony:** Brucie here thought it would be a good idea to curl up in an alleyway with a cat on his lap

 **Tony:** with no pants on

 **Nat:** Huh?

 **Tony:** Let's say I just had to unhook a claw from somewhere unspeakable

 **Clint:** oh

 **Clint:** ughhh i just got sympathy pains

 **Tony:** That cat stinks, by the way. Tried to attack me when I showed up. God knows how many diseases it's carrying

 **Bruce:** Im fine it's only bleeding a little

 **Tony:** You guys finish up, I'm taking him to the infirmary

 **Tony:** To get a tetanus shot

 **Tony:** somewhere unspeakable

 **Clint:** *vom*

 

SAT 03/31, 10:52AM

 **Bruce:** Could someone please fetch my phone charger? I left it in the lab last night.

 **Clint:** I'm literally on the other side of the building

 **Clint:** why cant you get it?

 **Bruce:** I really don't want to move right now. I'll spare you the details.

 **Thor:** I am nearby, but there are many wires on that table!! I fear I would do more harm than good!!

 **Steve:** I'll get it.

 **Bruce:** And if you come across any ice packs along the way... those are good too.

 **Clint:** yikes

 **Bruce:** I've been doing some research. Observing "cute" animals activates the orbitofrontal cortex; maybe some kind of controlled shock in the right area of my brain would cause me to change back.

 **Clint:**  or we could just show Hulk cat videos?

 **Clint:**  maybe we should go get that cat!

 **Tony:** I'm gonna stop you there

 **Tony:** That thing had so many infections I can't believe I'm still alive

 **Tony:** Its fleas had fleas

 **Tony:** It was basically feral

 **Bruce:** It was perfectly nice to me.

 **Nat:** Do you like cats, Bruce?

 **Bruce:** They're okay, I guess.

 **Clint:** you were pretty vocal about it yesterday

 **Tony:** Vocal? I pulled the damn thing off you and you cried because you didn't want me to leave it in the alley. Like, openly wept. It was kinda scary, actually

 **Bruce:** ...

 **Bruce:** Thank you for sharing that with everyone.

 **Bruce:** And for the record, I had concussion. And probably hypothermia. And dehydration. I wasn't thinking straight.

 **Tony:** There's no shame in a grown man weeping over a cat

 **Tony:** Maybe a little, actually

 **Bruce:** Okay yeah, I like animals. So?

 **Clint:** im just saying...

 **Clint:** m a y b e we should get that cat........

 **Tony:** Nope

 **Tony:** Have you SEEN the size of Brucie's left ballsack? Bring that cat back here and the guy won't be able to walk

 **Bruce:** I don't like to get too attached to anything. Especially pets. I also think that is a bad idea. I may have been a bit out of it, but Tony did the right thing.

 **Nat:** Have you ever had pets, Bruce?

 **Bruce:** I had a dog, once.

 **Bruce:** Some soldiers killed it whilst they were trying to kidnap me.

 **Clint:** jesus

 **Clint:** maybe you need a therapist

 **Bruce:** It was a couple years ago, now. I've moved on.

 **Bruce:** Do you think if I inserted an electronic implant into my brain it would stay there when I Hulked out?

 **Clint:**  i think you need a gODdaM THERAPIST

 **Steve:** Charger and ice pack, coming up.

 **Bruce:** My hero.

 **Clint:** -_-

 

_Clint created a group_

_Clint added Natasha, Steve, Thor_

SAT 03/31, 11:22AM

 **Clint:** gents

 **Clint:**  nat

 **Clint:** i think you know why I have gathered you here...

_Clint renamed the group to Get Bruce The Damn Cat_

**Steve:** Oh no...

 **Nat:** Tony's gonna be pissed

 **Thor:** A secret plan? A virtuous quest!!

 **Steve:** What about SHIELD?  Surely there are rules against bringing animals into the tower

 **Clint:** details details we can work it out

 **Nat:** If we find it, it's gonna need a full medical

 **Nat:**  It was in a bad way when I saw it

 **Nat:** if it's got balls it's getting them chopped off

 **Clint:** yeowtch

 **Thor:** I can fly over the city to search!!

 **Clint:** you guys know roughly where it was last time, right?

 **Steve:** Yeah.  We can do it.  I'm not sure we should, though.

 **Nat:** Bruce has had a hard life. I think it'd be nice to do something good for him. Something that gives him a little happiness

 **Clint:** i mean

 **Clint:** i just wanted to piss tony off , making bruce happy is a bonus

 **Nat:**  You are the living definition of chaotic neutral

 **Clint:** nerd

 **Thor:** Let us make plans!! When shall we begin the search?

 **Clint:** tomorrow. tony's going to a dumb conference

 **Steve:**  And Bruce won't be going anywhere soon. I saw the... damage.

 **Nat:** And?

 **Steve:** Looks like he's trying to smuggle a tennis ball in there.

 **Clint:** lololol

 **Clint:** fuck it, lets do thisss

 **Nat:** Sleep well, boys

 **Thor:** We shall bring him home!!

 **Nat:** <3


	2. Chapter 2

SUN 04/01, 09:32AM

_Clint renamed the group to Getting Bruce Some Pussy_

**Steve:** Please change it back.

 **Clint:** :P

 **Thor:** I am searching the area but nothing so far..

 **Nat:**  I've got the cat carrier

 **Steve:** What's the plan, corner it?  Lure it with food?

 **Clint:** nah

 **Clint:** tranq gun

_Clint sent a photo_

**Clint:** is this him??

 **Nat:** No

 **Nat:** Looks too healthy

 **Nat:** It's this big grey fluffy thing, looks like a maine coon

 **Nat:** One ear is half bitten off, not much tail left, looked like its eye was infected too

 **Clint:** ew

 **Clint:** suddenly wondering if this was a good idea after all...

 **Thor:** I have the beast!!

 **Clint:** you sure??

 **Thor:** I am certain!!

 **Thor:** He matches his portrait perfectly

 **Steve:** I see you.  Head for the parking lot, we'll meet you there.

 **Thor:** He is fiesty hardto t ext

 **Clint:** bring him in!!!

 **Thor:** jhfjgfgfdfghfggdffdgfdgfddf

 **Thor:** lk;lkl;k;lkkklkl;l;lkklkllll

 **Thor:** uuuuuuiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiuiu

 **Clint:** p h e w

 **Clint:** nice job guyz

_Nat sent a photo_

**Nat:**  To commemorate

 **Steve:** A group selfie next to the cat Tony told us not to get?  Not sure it was the best idea.

 **Clint:** he's gonna murder us either way.

 

01:28PM

_Clint posted a photo_

**Clint:** its like he KNOWS whats about to happen

 **Clint:** oh boy the vet is gonna love him

 **Clint:** say goodbye to your naughty bits dude

 **Steve:** I salute him.  Clearly a battle-scarred warrior himself.

 **Thor:** Is this a customary practice for warriors?

 **Clint:** not for humans, no. we don't get our balls lopped off, generally speaking

 **Clint:** aww him and brucie can match

 **Clint:** they can sit on their ice packs together

 **Nat:** normally we'd pick him up the same day, but he's a complex case so he could be in there for a few days whilst they sort things out. Maybe even a week or two

 **Clint:** itll be worth it omg im excited

 **Steve:** Are we sure this is the best idea?

 **Nat:** He found a cat on the sidewalk yesterday and he was so happy. Wouldn't stop petting it for ten minutes whilst telling it about nuclear fusion

 **Nat:** Trust me steve

 **Thor:** If anyone else asks, I got this scratch across my face whilst shaving

 **Clint:** *facepalm*

 

 _Tony Stark messaged SHWARMA BUDZZ_  

SUN 04/10, 09:32AM

 **Tony:** You guys are up to something and I don't like it

 **Bruce:**  Don't look at me. I'm watching nature documentaries with Thor.

 **Thor:** It is fascinating!!

 **Tony:** I'm onto you, Barton

 **Clint:** ?

 **Clint:** dude wat did i do

 **Tony:** Your jacket was looking a little hairy this morning. Mind if I take a look around your room?

 **Clint:** huh

 **Clint:** NO???

 **Clint:** dude theres so much porn in therr u dont wanna kno

 **Clint:** what am i supposed to have done??

 **Tony:** Someone's acting very defensive

 **Tony:** Where did these grey hairs come from?

 **Clint:** ur mom

 **Nat:** lol

 **Nat:** We went to that school the other day. When we handed out rabbits to the kids and took photos?

 **Nat:** The one you missed out on because you had "better things to do than brighten a kids day"?

 **Tony:** Oh

 **Tony:** Right 

 **Tony:** Well you're still acting suspicious and I'm still onto you

 **Clint:** :3

 

_Steve messaged Getting Bruce Some Pussy_

SUN 04/10, 09:39AM

 **Steve:** Is he safe?

 **Nat:** He's watching me do my yoga warmups

 **Nat:** Glaring from his crate with pure feline hatred

 **Clint:** trust bruce to love the unlovable. ive seen him feel sorry for a broken pen

 **Steve:** We need to do this soon. If Tony finds him before Bruce does he could insist we send it back.

 **Nat:** What about after? Would he just take the cat off him again?

 **Clint:** if he tries i resign

 **Clint:** ITS ME OR THECAT TONY

 **Clint:** EXCEPT ITS NOT YOU GOTTA TAKE BOTH OF US

 **Nat:** sigh

 

_Tony messaged SHWARMA BUDZZ_

SUN 04/10, 11:23AM

 **Tony:** Bruce I swear to god I'm gonna lock you out of your own goddam lab

 **Steve:** Dare I ask?

 **Tony:** He's rigged himself to a load of machines. Wires everywhere. Big metal helmet like something from the goddam 80s

 **Tony:** Bruce I'm knocking on your door ANSWER ME

 **Tony:** He has his headphones in...

 **Tony:** You're watching cat videos again, aren't you?

 **Tony:** Somebody get this man a hobby

 **Tony:** Alright, I'm telling JARVIS to cut off his laptop wifi. Then maybe he'll check his damn phone

 **Steve:** Leave him.  He might be doing some sensitive experiments.

 **Tony:** Too late

 **Bruce:** What the hell, Tony? I'm close to a breakthrough here!

 **Nat:** Clint's making pancakes downstairs if you guys are hungry

 **Nat:** Bruce, you've hardly left the lab. Come get some food

 **Bruce:** I think I've perfected my orbitofrontal implant. I haven't inserted it yet but I'm hoping to perform a preliminary test in a minute. A controlled shock just to see its effect. This could change everything.

_Nat renamed the group to Come Get Your D**n Pancakes (sorry Steve) <3_

**Nat:** Clint says all your excuses are invalid and your pancakes are ready

 **Steve:** They are really good.

 **Thor:**  Today will be a good day, Bruce. You'll see!!

 **Bruce:** It'll be a good day when I can finally control my transformations completely. Tony, tell JARVIS to turn my wifi back on. I'm busy.

 **Tony:** Make me (:

 **Bruce:**  Fine, I don't need it anyway. Starting test 1. Wish me luck.

 **Tony:** Shit

 **Tony:** rbuce let me in this is a bad idea!

 **Steve:** Everyone to the lab.  I don't like this.

 **Bruce:** qqqqqqwwwwqqqqwaaaaqqqq

 **Tony:** Might be a good time to test your cat video theory Clint

 **Clint:** actually...

 **Clint:** ill do you one better

 **Tony:** I will kill you in your sleep

 **Tony:** Go get the damn cat.

 

01:03PM

 **Bruce:** ny headache has a headache

 **Bruce:** Test 1 was not a success..

 **Thor:** How do you feel my friend?

 **Bruce:** sore...

 **Bruce:** What happpened,?

 **Steve:** You Hulked out.

 **Bruce:** Oh gkd, how bads the damage? Did I destroy the lab?

 **Steve:** Actually, no you didn't.  It turns out the "cat video" theory had merit.

 **Bruce:** Oh. That's basically what I was trying to do. I dknt know why it didn'work.

 **Clint:** maybe hulk didnt like u putting ELECTRIC CURRENTS THRU HIS BRAIN

 **Bruce:** Explains the headache.

 **Bruce:**...

 **Tony:** Whats up Brucie?

 **Bruce:** I'm wearing pants. Did someone dress me whilst I was asleep?

 **Thor:** You looked cold..

 **Bruce** : I have a blanket but ok.

 **Bruce:** JESUS

 **Clint:**?

 **Bruce:** Why is there a cat in my room????

 **Clint:** :)

 **Nat:** :)

 **Steve:** :-)

 **Thor:**..,)

 **Tony:** Don't know what you're talking about

 **Bruce:** He's huge!

 **Bruce:** Is this why i changdd back?

 **Bruce:** Wait, is this the same cat the Hulk found?

 **Clint:** whos gonna tell him

 **Thor:** We found your furry companion!!

 **Bruce:** He can't stay here. He'll spread disdase everywhere

 **Tony:** Bruce

 **Bruce:** Probably cause chaos if he's allowed to roam the tower. It's a security risk

 **Tony:** BrUCE

 **Bruce:** I can't keep him Tony!

 **Tony:** Too bad (:

 **Bruce:** Please take him back before I get too attached.

 **Nat:** No risk of disease etc, hes all cleaned up now

 **Nat:** And we cant take him back, because he hates literally everyone except for you

 **Nat:** Could you do that to this poor cat?

 **Bruce:** This is emotional blackmail. Oh god he's so cute.

 **Bruce:** ggffgggg

 **Steve:** What happened?

 **Clint:** hes fine. the cat knocked his phone away

_Clint sent a photo_

**Clint:** dr bruce banner everyone

 **Clint:** reduced to a very happy pile of mush

 **Nat:** It's more of a small lion than a cat, isn't it? Aww he looks so relaxed <3

 **Tony:** I'm working on a microchip upgrade so he won't get lost again. Suppose I'd better work on some kind of intelligent cat flap too, if we're gonna do this properly

 **Clint:** tony is the dad who never wanteda pet who ends up the most excited about having it

 **Steve:** So...  mission successful?

 **Nat:** Oh he's here to stay. Tell Bruce he needs to name him!

 **Clint:** ...

 **Clint:** hes going with max

 **Thor:** Tis a noble name!!

 **Tony:** That's Bruce all over

 **Tony:** After Max Born, physicist who was instrumental in the development of quantum physics

 **Nat:** ok that is nerdy

 **Clint:** nope

 **Clint:** short for maximus cattus

 **Tony:** Jesus christ

 **Clint:** he literally called it big cat in latin

 **Nat:** omg

 **Nat:** Maximus Cattus

 **Tony:** It's like cats lower his IQ or something. Who is this man and what has he done with Bruce ?

_Clint sent a photo_

**Clint:** mr cattus is now sitting on bruce to wash his eyebrows

 **Clint:** im... not sure bruce can actually get up but he looks like hes seen the face of god. im gonna leave em to it

 **Steve:** Give him his phone first.  So he doesn't starve to death.

 **Bruce:** I can't believe you guys went out and found him.

 **Thor:** We wanted to make you happy..

 **Bruce:** Well, I am. Thank you.

 **Bruce:** <3

 **Nat:** <3

 **Steve:** >3

 **Nat:** Hey Tony can I get a tarantula?

 **Tony:** Absolutely not!

 **Nat:** booo

 

_Nat messaged Get Bruce Some Pussy_

**Nat:** Gentlemen

_Nat added Bruce to the group_

**Bruce:**  Uh, what is this?

_Nat renamed the group to Get Nat an Eight-Legged Friend! <3_

**Clint:** oh g o d

 **Steve:** Here we go again...

 **Nat:** You know what to dooo <3

 **Bruce:** I'm in.

 **Clint:** :3

 **Clint:** spiderus spindlyus!

 **Clint:** arachnus hairylus!

 **Clint:** big spid

 **Bruce:** What have I done.


End file.
